Baby To Teen

*A note to concerned readers: this post is NOT what I had planned for next but, because I'm about to have an emotional breakdown, I felt that it was better for all those under my roof that I get in a little blog-therapy! Proceed, if you will.*

I'm a basketcase! My sweet baby has gone from infancy, to toddler years, little girl and now.....now, a teenager! Tonight, after looking through old pictures, I'm reminded of a certain conversation I had with my hubby exactly 8 years ago tonight. Our oldest daughter, the only child at that time, had been asleep for a couple hours and we were going to sleep ourselves. As soon as I turned off my lamp, I started crying. I was overwhelmed with feelings of panic, of disbelief, of "how did this happen so fast?"; a plethora of emotions. Patiently, the hubs asked why I was crying. I'll never forget my answer: "Tomorrow she turns 5. Soon she'll be going to kindergarten....then high school....then college!!!" He then replied, "I think you are leaving out a few years in there; it doesn't happen exactly like that." Listen, I married a smart man. He is not perfect but he is "right" a majority of the time. But, I really nailed that one, I really did! That night feels like only 2 nights ago. Tomorrow she turns 13!

We had a plan. Be married for 5 years and then have baby #1. Then, a couple years later would bring baby #2 and I was still lobbying for a 3rd!! But, those were OUR plans. They sounded great to us and why wouldn't God want to fulfill them for us, right? Well, because they weren't HIS plans.

So, after being married for three years, which included the first two living in New Orleans, LA and the third in Columbia, SC, we found ourselves living in west Tennessee. We both had good jobs, we were renting a house, dump that it was, but we were happy. And ready to start trying to get pregnant. I gotta stop here and just say that I hate the phraseology of that last sentence because it just isn't always that easy. Here again, we thought we had the "plan" but in actuality, we had absolutely NO control in the situation. For the next 2.5 years, we would enter a world we never expected. It was a world that included disappointment after disappointment, a miscarriage, bitterness as we saw numerous single girls get pregnant, some multiple times, and several trips to an infertility doctor. Stop #2: God was gentle and gracious as we let go of our bitterness and please know that we are in a much different place now when it comes to single moms. After the purchase of countless pregnancy tests and even 1 false negative, we finally got pregnant. I'll always remember seeing the lines on that test "light" up and I almost fell down in the floor with disbelief! For the next 9 months, we would drive an hour and a half to Memphis, TN, where we would see my high risk pregnancy doctor. And then, after an 18.5 hour long labor and finally delivery, our sweet miracle arrived. We had chosen not to find out the gender of our baby, by this point, having thrown up our hands at plans and willing to embrace the surprise. I remember my doctor saying, "You have a beautiful baby girl!" I promise you, the next thought in my mind was "we can have tea parties!"

Over these past 12 years, we have enjoyed many tea parties, countless picnics under the front yard tree at our very first house here in Florence and so many conversations, books, tears and laughs, I can't count them all.

My Jordan. A name that represents the point of crossing for the Israelites when going from the desert into the Promised Land. A river....flowing with life-giving water. My Jordan. A lover of Jesus. The best big sister ever. Creative artist. Daddy's girl. A teller of stories to her little sisters. A heart that beats for people from hard places. A dreamer. A leader. Steady. Wise beyond her years. A teenager. My Jordan.

I'm so thankful that God loves us enough to NOT give us what we want WHEN we want it. I wouldn't have it any other way.